Mailbag

Dear Shirtless Gardening Man,

Thank you for making my day. It's not every day that I see a full grown man with no shirt on in 37 degree weather gardening. When the weatherman mentioned that it was going to be in the low 60's today, I think he meant after the sun had fully crested the hill. Don't feel bad, I made the same mistake. I got up, peeked out the window blinds and promptly dressed for my morning run in shorts and a t-shirt. The difference between us is that I went back inside and put on long pants and a sweatshirt.

However, it is only April 29th and I'm not entirely sure that, short of a flukey spring day, the weather in late April would ever justify you being outside without a shirt gardening at 7:00 in the morning. I guess the fog I was seeing could've been smoke blowing out of my ears, but I'm pretty sure it was my breath. In any case, I was pleasantly warm in my long pants and sweatshirt.

I'm just giving you a heads up. You looked mighty cold.

Sincerely,

A Concerned Runner

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Dear American Idol Judges,

You should just send everyone else home and get to the showdown between Danny and Adam. It was predicted something like 40 weeks ago, so let's get on with it. Geez. How many more sappy weeks do we have to endure?

Also, everyone knows that the only judge who's opinion matters is Simon. Everyone else should just sit there and look pretty.

Best Regards,
Somewhat Faithful Follower

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Dear Celebrity Apprentice,

What did you expect was going to happen when you invited Joan Rivers and her equally creepy daughter Melissa to participate in your show? That was some high class entertainment, if not a little awkward. Thanks for the laughs.

Truly Yours,
Fervent Watcher

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Dear Susan Boyle Critics,

How was she suppose to know that she would become an overnight sensation? So she made a joke about never being kissed and turns out it's not true. Boo hoo hoo. Does that make her any less of a singer? American Idol contestants could take some lessons in song choice from her.

An Avid Fan of Susan Boyle

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Dear Judge with a Power Issue,

Who peed in your cheerios? So somebody sent a text message from your courtroom. Does that justify a 30 day stay in jail? For your information, it costs taxpayers in the neighborhood of $60 a day to incarcerate someone. Your outlandish punishment was going to cost us $1800. That's more than double my mortgage payment. Add that to the amount we'll be picking up for this particular couple's spending habits that have gone belly up, and I'm spending a lot more on them than I am on myself.

How about sending people to jail who really deserve it instead of people who do idiotic things. Otherwise the majority of the county would be clogging up your prision system.

Pissed Off Tooele County Resident

P.S. Don't think that just because you let her out, you'll get re-elected. You're the idiot.

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