End of Year Thoughts

It's been an amazing year.  I mean, not that I shared a lot of it here because looking over this year's blog entries, I see I have slacked heavily in that area.

But, rest assured, it was an amazing year.  And I'm flooded with all these things to talk about as it comes to an end, but I'm going to focus on one thing in particular.  It stems from a comment I made during a lesson I taught at church...

Oh, right.  That story.  One Saturday night, I received a frantic email from the teacher pleading with me to please teach her lesson the next day to all the women of the congregation because she was so sick.  Never one to shirk from a challenge I accepted and gave what I thought was a pretty mediocre lesson given my total lack of planning, but one in which one of the most critical (and smartest) women in the congregation congratulated me on my lesson.  Boo-ya...

So my comment was directed towards a time in which I felt like I needed to ask forgiveness from the Lord for something.  I had opened the discussion to the other women because I didn't want to share anything too personal, but no one spoke up.  And so as I was grappling with the silence this experience popped into my head.

I was running a half marathon this past summer and I was having a great time.  But, as I was floating down the road I started in on my usual negative self-talk.  It's a problem that I have battled in nearly every race I have ever done.  I will tell myself how dumb I am for being out there, how I didn't prepare as hard as I could have, how I'll never amount to anything more than just a wannabe runner, yada, yada, yada.   It's debilitating to have that coursing through your head as your pushing yourself to the limit.

However, in this particular instance, the very clear thought came into my head "This isn't about you."  I was a little stunned by what this meant.  Running has always been a pretty solitary sport in my opinion.  Sure, I run with people and it's socializing, but in the end, I only reap what I sow and I'm the only one who is going to get myself across the finish line when push comes to shove.

As I allowed myself to ponder this statement, I realized that I was approaching running in the wrong manner. Sure, there are those who will win and bring accolades upon themselves and raise awareness for their different campaigns.  I was not one of those people.  I will never be one of those people.  I had resigned myself to that years and years and years ago.  But, that didn't mean I didn't have something to offer.

And it was at that moment that a tiny, tiny speck of what was to come was planted.  I came to a very clear understanding that my moment in this sport wouldn't be about what place I came in or what time the clock said but that my talent was in raising awareness for others.  To teach others that they can have dreams and no matter how silly or far-fetched they are, they can be achieved with support and hard work.  And that God had given me this talent, per se, not to run fast and be the fastest in the group, but to be the person who motivates others to go out and try.  And when I reverted to the negative self talk, I was basically throwing this "talent" back in His face.

I can say that once I had a glimpse of what my true purpose for being out on the race course was, my total attitude changed and I didn't suffer from the negative self talk in any of my other races, including the mother of all races, the Half Ironman.

Of course, I would still like to be the fastest...but that's just my humanness emerging.

It was a pretty profound moment and one in which I brushed aside in the exuberance of crossing the finish line nearly 8 minutes  faster than any previous race and 48 seconds faster than my goal time.  In fact, I didn't think much more about it until I started relaying the story in church a few weeks back.

About 4 months after this race, I met a new friend.  I like that I can still meet new people.  I was at a volleyball training thing for church and was talking to a few people about the Half Ironman, when this petite blond asked if I was Sandra.  I had never met her before, but we ended up talking all the way through the training thing and then did a few long bike rides together.  She knew who I was because of a mutual friend and said that she had always wanted to meet me.  She also mentioned that she thought it was cool that I had a group of friends that did these races together and how she wished she had a similar thing in her neighborhood.

Which got me to thinking...if this total stranger knew of me, how many other total strangers know of me.  And how many others were standing on the outside wishing they could be in on our "fun".  It had never occurred to me in the past that perhaps there were a few others who looked at my little posse and thought "how do I get something  like that."  So I had this idea.

Two friends and I have been doing a race in St. George nearly every year for the last four or so years.  It's a half marathon in January--which is a terrible time to do a race--but it motivates you to stick to your exercise routine through the holidays.  And the snow.  And the cold.  This year, we had invited a few others to join us and had outgrown our current lodging arrangements.  In a moment of pure divinity, I had this grand idea that I should see who else around might be interested.  As long as we were getting hotel rooms...why not, right?  So I sent out an email to those close by who I knew ran.  Or wanted to start running.  Or at one time ran, but had fallen by the wayside.  I think there were 12 people in that original email.  I thought maybe two or three would join up with the seven of us already committed.

Ten said yes.

Which floored me.  So I went to my Facebook friends and tagged everyone who lived nearby and asked them.  I got a bunch more from there.  In the end, there were 34 women who expressed interest.  Women from every background, of every shape and size, of every ability imaginable.  Women who had been running far longer than me to women who had just a tiny, tiny inkling of a dream when they received my email.

I think women, in particular, are really funny.  A lot of them fall into a trap where they can't see themselves doing something for themselves.  It's a novel idea that you could have a desire to run a half marathon, look up a plan on the internet and then go do it.  I have found that a lot of women have these secret desires, but just need the extra push to do it.  Someone to do it with.  And so I strove to create that atmosphere.  I have tried to make this as seamless as possible.  I plot the running route for the week, email the group, set up mileage signs because they give you a little bit of an oomph when you're out there, even if you have a gps watch, put out water stops, and have a hot chocolate table at the finish line where you can catch your breath before heading home to your family and responsibilities.  Everyone follows their own pace and naturally fall into place with those who run the same pace, forging new friendships and alliances.  There's no pressure to be the fastest and no shame in being the slowest.  We're all other there with one goal--to do the best we can.

If you'll remember, I was pretty much pregnant the minute I crossed the Half Ironman finish line and so this endeavor hasn't been without it's difficulties.  I have to wake up extra early to put the water for the hot chocolate on the stove to heat up.  Then I have to drive all the signs and arrows and water stops around.  I've been up for nearly an hour and a half before I even start running.  Later on, I have to go retrieve all the signs and arrows and water stops. Yesterday, I spent two hours with signs and arrows and another two hours running.  One Saturday, I spent the entire time putting up signs while also throwing up out the car door.  I ended up sending everyone else on their way and going back home to bed.

But I know I'm being blessed for this.  I'm 18 weeks along and still have it in me to complete 10 mile runs.  I have met some amazing women.  We had an absolutely beautiful run in the falling snow a few weeks ago.  It took me 45 minutes to brush out the snarls in my hair from the ice and snow.  Word is spreading about the club and I'm so excited to see what lays ahead.

There was some backlash when I originally set this up, but I felt compelled to do it anyways, and it's worked itself out.  I'm disappointed that not everyone I know who runs was as excited about this project as I was, but I've come to terms with that too.  It's not for everyone.  But it's for some.  And that's good enough for me.

So what's the moral of all this:  There are a couple of lessons I take away from this.  First, sometimes what we want to achieve is not what we need to achieve.  Not everyone is going to be the best at what they do, but that doesn't mean that you have nothing of value to add.  Figure out your purpose and then go with it.  Secondly, life is short. While you might not think that you haven't lived long enough to do something profound, others are passing you up.  And before long, you'll be looking back and thinking "where did all that time go?"  If you're feeling like you need to do something, it could be that you need to do it.  If I could impart one nugget of wisdom it would be to get off your butts and make something of yourselves.

There.  Now go have a good New Years.  And since I'm all cheesy and stuff, I will reveal my New Years Resolutions on January 1st.  So at least you know there's one post coming.  Hint: one resolution will be to actually post more because I enjoy writing and haven't done a lot of it this year.

Um...Hi?

Hello?

Hey...it's me again.

Remember me?

Yeah, it's been a while.  

So what's been going on, you ask?  Not much.  That's the problem.  Not a whole heck of a lot has been going on.  Let's see...

14 weeks ago, I did a Half Ironman.  How do I know the exact weeks? Well, as it turns out, I'm also 14 weeks pregnant.  Well, not exactly  14 weeks pregnant, because I was pretty tired after the Half Ironman.  But darn close to 14 weeks.  And I guess, that's what has consumed me day after day after miserable day.

I mean, I can't complain much--though I will--because I've only thrown up twice as opposed to the twice daily I did with J.  But, man oh man, have I been nauseous.  And tired.  So, so, so very tired.  More tired than I ever remember.  And I keep thinking maybe it will lighten up some, but so far, not much.  Though I can now do simple tasks like showering without needing a nap afterwards.

Baby looks good.  We've had two ultrasounds.  One at 9 weeks to confirm the pregnancy and another one this last appointment when the doctor said "hm...seems like we can't hear a heartbeat."  Cue stomach drop.  But everything looked good.  Baby was just sitting on my vein so they could only hear my heartbeat, which was, admittedly, very loud considering the doctor was so nonchalant about not being able to find a heartbeat.

I thought I was having another girl, but it might be a boy.  I really don't care.  As long as it's healthy, I'm happy with either.

In other news, I put together a running club out here in the Boondocks.  Turns out there are A LOT of women who run.  And I had this brilliant idea to invite as many as I could to join us for a race down in St. George in January.  I thought maybe 10 people, but I'm up to 25 people going and another 10 people who couldn't fit it in for January but are interested in doing one in the future.  It's been quite the undertaking, but I've enjoyed doing it.  We meet together Saturday mornings and do our long runs.  I made mileage signs and put them out every week.  Then we have hot chocolate afterwards.  So far I've been able to keep up--by which I mean to say that I run very, very slow and am the last person in, but I do it.  Did 8 miles yesterday and felt really good.  I'm not sure if I'll be able to do the half marathon in January as I'll be 20ish weeks along, but I know I can finish the 5k.

I guess I'll keep the running club going as long as people are still interested in it.  It's fun to see people who swore they'd never run out there week after week.

And...what else?  That's it.  That's why the long absence in posts.  Everyone seems to be doing well.  Since I could hardly lift myself off the couch for three months, nothing funny has happened.  The holidays are here and I'm recommitting to posting  more.

Here's to a happy month for everyone and more posts from me.