Tall Tales Winner

Remember how when you were little and you played soccer and everyone got a trophy for participating?  Well, newsflash.  That's not what really happens in Adult World.  In Adult World you don't get a trophy because you woke up and went to work.  You don't get a trophy because you cleaned the house.  No, you only get a trophy when you do something very cool.

Like win a speech contest.

Shut up.  It is to cool.

So there I am with my first speaking trophy. I won it on Saturday at our Toastmaster's Area Contest. The guy next to me is Doug.  We're both from the same club and he won  a trophy as well.  He won for Humorous Speech and I won for Tall Tales.  The difference being that his speech has to be two minutes longer and roughly true.  Mine can be entirely made up.

Which it almost was.

And I look as though I just crawled out of bed.  Which I sorta did.  It was part of the speech.  But, what you don't see are the spandex shorts  under the yoga pants in which I delivered my speech.  I also wore a pair of goggles and a swim cap.

Note: it's very hard to give a speech with a pair of goggles on because contrary to what you think would be the purpose of  goggles, unless you're in water, they are quite difficult to see out of.  Eye contact is hard to make when you can only make out rough outlines of people.  So you spend a lot of time swiveling your head back and forth slowly to give the illusion that you're not standing in front of a group of strangers in a conference room at the library mimicking swimming in your spandex shorts, but rather talking to them normally.  Which is a littler harder than, say, practicing in front of the mirror.  Or an empty closet.  These are good things to remember.

So my Tall Tale was about a lake monster in Stansbury Lake that I came upon during my last triathlon.  It's kind of dumb, but it's taken me this far.  My next speech is on October 15 and that is the Division Contest.  I will be competing against 4 other Areas.

I have the trophy sitting on the bookcase, right next to my "most improved average" and "first place team" bowling trophies I got last year.  Which I think brings my total trophy count in Adult World close to what I graduated from Kid World with.

The End of My Wit

It's no secret that we've been dealing with food issues with J. for some time.  Like 3 years and some change, to be exact.  And I'm done.

I know.  I know.  I've said this a hundred times before.  But the idea that we're going on 4 YEARS of the same issues and it doesn't look like it's getting any better is driving me to the edge.

Let me paint our typical dinner for you.

Mom spends time making dinner.  Some days it's an hour or less.  But other days, it's more.  Whatever the case, it's still time.  And since Mom only gets paid in kisses and hugs, not money, her time is more valuable then say, if she was getting paid $30 an hour to make a meal.  If Mom was getting paid $30 an hour to make a meal, then all meals would be gourmet eight hour ordeals and she wouldn't care if anyone ate it or not, because she would pocket the $240 and eat cereal later.

Sorry...I digress.

So, mom spends time making dinner.  And then she calls everyone to the table where she sets out plates full of hot food.

Sidenote: Do you know how many people on this planet would kill for ONE plate of hot food.  Just one???

Immediately, J. will shove his plate aside and claim to not like the food, though he doesn't know what it is nor what it tastes like.  After some cajoling he will LICK a utensil that has touched the plate and declare his undying hatred for the food.

Meanwhile, A. will mimic her older brother's antics and shove her plate away.  J. will be sent to his room for being rude at the dinner table, which will begin the nightly rounds of "You're so rude" and "You're stupid".  Wade will get up to return J. to his room and A. will follow.

Five minutes after I've summoned everyone to the table to sit down for our one meal in which we all eat together, I am left alone at the table to eat by myself.

I'm not complaining about eating by myself, I'm merely noting that if I wanted to eat by myself, I'd just pour myself a bowl of cereal and save myself the time of cooking a real dinner.  Just sayin'...

Arg!  Frustration is brewing over.  My goal this winter is to finally kick this to the curb!

School Note Sent Home

I just got the following email from J.'s teacher:

J was the first student in our class to fill up his behavior chart because of good behavior! Way to go J!


How cool is that?  I mean if she KNEW the hell we've been through with this kid and his stubborn ways and his 13-year-old-teenage-girl-in-a-6-year-old-boy's-body attitude, the teacher definitely would not have sent an email (today's equivalent of the dreaded note home) about his good behavior.


Yay for my little bug.  He's growing up so fast and he's so much fun to be around now (as long as he's mostly getting his way) and he has the most interesting and intriguing questions and observations.  It's the light at the end of the tunnel that everyone has been promising me for the last five and a half years.

Energy Galore

Ever since I stopped training for hellish, long races, my production level has skyrocketed.  I am currently doing the following things:

* Canning my second (yes, SECOND) batch of salsa THIS YEAR. My first batch was two days after school started and my tomatoes had started to rot on the bottom of the box so I didn't get as much as I thought I would.  My mom came out to help and it didn't take very long.  Wade has been making quick work of the salsa and so this weekend, I bought another 20 pound box of tomatoes and made more salsa.  This time, it took a bit longer because my mom wasn't around to help and the tomatoes hadn't started to go bad, but I found a few appliances that helped speed up the process (plus latex gloves so the jalapenos didn't burn every orifice on my face) and I just finished water bathing the last of my bottles.  I have ambitious plans to can something every month.  October is my mom's killer applesauce.

* Redoing the front yard landscaping.  This project has needed to be done for a  few years now and when's better than now?  Wade would say later, but I say nay.  I decided to pull out the wood in front (I'll post pictures of before and after when there's an after to take pictures of) one day while he was at work.  It was starting to fall apart and upon further inspection, was actually going moldy (me and mold...we have a close relationship).  And then the project sorta ballooned from there.  I'm really excited for the idea in my head of  what it's going to look like when it's finished and we all can only hope that it will closely resemble that.

* Refinishing an entire bedroom set.  This was one of the projects I mentioned that needed garage space and FINALLY it is off and running.  The bedroom set was my mom's growing up and I'm redoing it for A.'s room.   Confession time: the girl, who is almost three, is still sleeping in a crib while she waits for me to do something with a headboard and a foot board and buy a new mattress.  It's comically embarrassing.  I have a desk, a dresser, a bedside table and the foot board and headboard to do and I'm aiming to have it done before the first snow storm hits and the garage needs to be used again for it's original intended use of housing cars.

*Speaking of A., I've also been potty training.  Please don't shoot me, but it wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be.  J. potty trained himself at 2 1/2 and I realize that is incredibly unusual.  A. has been a little more stubborn about it, but I just took a laid back approach to it.  I asked her every morning for about a month if she'd prefer to wear underwear or a diaper. Some days, she'd choose underwear.  Other days, diapers.  I didn't make a big fuss about it.  Then one day, I told her she could only wear underwear when we were at home unless she was going to bed.  The first week, she peed through everything and I had to clean up a lot, but then, one day, she got it.  Her little friend next door is potty trained and A. wanted to be just like her so she put on underwear and for the most part she's been pee-trained ever since.  Now the other, we're still working on.  That's definitely been a little bit of a struggle.  But I haven't broken down in tears or screamed or anything, so I'd say as far as parenting struggles go, this wasn't so bad.

*Bowling has started back up.  Last week was our first week and I managed to average 135.  Not bad for an amateur.

*I'm making some serious headway on my novel.  I get together with another gal once a week and we just let the kids play (she has a girl the same age as A.) while we write for a couple of hours.  I'm excited for the idea of the novel and I just hope I can iron out the kinks.  Everyone I've told the concept to seems to really like it.

*I have another project sitting out in my garage that I'm SO excited for, but it's probably going to have to wait until spring.  The yard and the bedroom furniture is taking precedence right now.

Meanwhile, as I'm doing all these things, my mind is racing about all the other things I could be doing INSIDE the house and I'm excited for the cold weather now so I can do them.

Wade asked me just this morning when the next marathon I'm starting to train for is.  I think this new productive side of me is starting to scare him.

Remembering 9/11

I would be amiss if I didn't take the same opportunity that everyone else is doing and talk a little about 9/11 on it's 10th anniversary.  Pardon me for following the masses, but I feel like I should.

I use to skeptically listen to my mom recount where she was exactly when she heard that President Kennedy had been shot.  I never could understand how someone could remember something so insignificant as their location so many years later unless they were directly involved in the incident.

On September 11, 2001, I was in the shower when I first heard of the attacks on the World Trade Center buildings.  We had this little fish radio that hung on the shower head that I would listen to every morning as I showered for work.  The radio DJ's just said that a plane had hit the World Trade Center in New York.  I finished up my shower and then went and told Wade.  In my head, I thought it was some pilot error or mechanical problem.  Wade didn't from the get go.  He said that it was a deliberate act.  And I didn't believe him.  I never believe him when he says that something is done deliberately to hurt others.  Sadly, he's usually right.

Wade ran out to the living room and plugged the tv in.  His sister had given us the television, after she had upgraded to a new one, shortly after our wedding three months prior.  We didn't plug it in until September 11.  We were able to then watch as the second plane hit the World Trade Center live on television.  It was an eerie feeling to watch and realize that these were deliberate acts.

Life had to go on as normal for us, we were so far removed from the incident, and we had to leave for school and work.  It was a somber day at work.  Our headquarters were in New York, though not in the city, and we had a co-worker that was from New York.  We would rush into the break room in between calls and work to watch the news coverage.  I remember someone running out to tell us that the second tower had collapsed.

Being from a fairly small metropolis, I couldn't--and still can't--comprehend the sheer size of these towers.  My office building had five floors.  In my head, I reasoned that most everyone would have gotten out by running down the stairs.  I was horribly wrong.  The realization that not only did thousands of people who worked in the buildings die, but also hundreds of firefighters and police officers who had run in to help, was a terrible moment.

I can also remember someone running out to tell us that the Pentagon had been hit and we all crowded into the break room to watch as they came across and said that a fourth hijacked plane that was headed for the White House had crashed in Pennsylvania.

That night Wade and I sat on the couch and watched coverage.  We cried as loved ones held up pictures of their missing brother, sister, mom, dad, husband, wife in hopes that somewhere they'd be found safe.  It was an overwhelming feeling to know that so many people had woken up that Tuesday expecting it to be like every other day and in a split moment, their lives  were changed forever.

I remember this all like it happened yesterday.

Over the days, we watched and listened as the stories unfolded.  The last known messages from loved ones on the phone, the heroics of those on Flight 93, the survivor stories and the stories from those who didn't make it.  It was all encompassing.  We were mesmerized every night in front of the television.

Driving home one night from my organic chemistry class, the realization hit me that the world I lived in would never be the same.  I knew that this was a  defining moment in my generation.  That, like the assassination of JFK, I would always remember where I was at on 9/11.

Take a moment today to remember those who suffered so terribly on 9/11.  Those who were in the buildings, those on the planes, the firefighters and police officers, and those left behind to pick up the pieces.  Also remember those who are fighting for our freedoms overseas, especially those who have given the ultimate sacrifice--their  life--in this fight.

Stranger Blogs I Follow

I have come to realize that the majority of my adult interaction during the day comes in the form of blogs written by strangers.

Creepy.

But I thought I'd pass along some of the better ones so you too can be entertained.

Fat Cyclist
fatcyclist.com

This is the blog that got me interested in biking and it's also the one where I signed up for my 100 Miles of Nowhere event.  Fatty's blog is mostly about biking but it's hilarious and has some awesome videos and pictures.  Plus his story is pretty emotional and human.  And he has awesome contests with awesome prizes.

Kristin Armstrong
http://milemarkers.runnersworld.com/

Yes, THAT Armstrong.  This is a running blog that is written by Lance Armstrong's ex-wife.  She doesn't say much about her ex so don't go reading expecting to see dirt.  The blog is inspirational and spiritual and not necessarily a "how-to" blog.  I love the messages she conveys and it's always a reminder why I too run.

Half-Fast
http://www.half-fast.org/

This guy has been hit and miss this year, but he writes some pretty funny stuff about running.

Now on to the really good ones:

Cake Wrecks
http://www.cakewrecks.com/

This is a blog that showcases some of the more spectacular cake mistakes.  It's pure awesomeness.  Check it out when you need a good laugh.

Awkward Family Photos
http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/

Another purely awesome blog that dissects particularly horrendous family pictures.  Seriously, you can't make this stuff up.

It's Lovely.  I'll Take It.
http://lovelylisting.icanhascheezburger.com/

This blog heralds odd finds in real estate listings.  It's amazing what people try to sell.

So, the thing is...
http://sothethingisblog.blogspot.com/

This is one of those "creeper" blogs I was telling you about.  I don't know this lady at all.  We don't really have anything in common.  She writes a blog that someone passed on to me because they thought I'd enjoy it.  It's hilarious and very real lifeish and now I'm a follower.

I know it's weird.  I'm okay with it though.

Hyperbole and a Half
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/

I LOVE the blogs that have hand drawn pictures.  They are hilarious.  This one isn't updated too often but it's fun to go back and read earlier posts.  There may be some language and content issues that may be offensive to some of you, but I really can't remember.  Just know that if there is, and you stumble upon it, you were prewarned.

Sleep Talkin' Man
http://www.sleeptalkinman.blogspot.com/

One of the funniest blogs I have ever seen.  This is the actual recordings of this lady's husband sleep talking.  What makes it even better is that he has an English accent and you can tell he's probably very mortified about his subconscious self.  WARNING: You cannot control what you say in your sleep so some of these are not suitable for everyone.  There's your fair warning.

Crappy Pictures
http://crappypictures.typepad.com/

One of my newest favorites.  If you are the type of parent who's kids are always cute and you never look back upon your kid-free days with any yearning, then this blog isn't for you.  However, if you are like the rest of us, check this one out.  It's almost like this is me, right down to the rudimentary drawings.  I was never this creative, but her life is my life in a nutshell.  In fact, it makes me feel a little better that I'm not the only one experiencing all of these things. And the posts are HILARIOUS.  There might be some language, I can't remember, but there's your warning.

This makes it look like I sit at the computer all day and do nothing but read blogs.  Which isn't true.  I do other things too.  But, when I have a free minute and I'm at the computer, this is where you'll find me.

Latest Half Marathon Race Photo

In most of the half marathons I've done, they have photographers on the course to take pictures of your accomplishment.  I've even written a few posts showing off these great masterpieces.  However, at the Moonlight Half, they had a photographer at the end of the race to commemorate your finish.  You would think this would generate a better picture because (a) you're not actually moving and (b) you're finished with the race. 

That's not always true.

Case in point:

The most glaring thing is the horns.  I had forgotten I was wearing horns until halfway home.  They lit up red and were funny at 10 pm when we started our race. Then I sort of forgot they were perched on my head until I reached up as I was driving home at 2 am.  Imagine pulling up to a car on the freeway and noticing that the driver was wearing devil horns.

The next glaring thing is the difference in pant legs on my friend (that's N.)  She's actually wearing shorts and then has a knee brace on, which makes it look like she's wearing some new fashion trend of capris and shorts.  She has also taken off one shoe and it's now sprouting out of the side of me.  And she's standing on her tiptoes, which is to compensate for our extreme differences in height.  She's standing tiptoey and I'm stooped over and between the two adjustments, we're a little bit closer in height.  It's how most of our pictures look.  She gets to show off her amazing calf muscles and I get to show off my belly folded over my waist.  Nice.

As a sidenote: everyone I run with is inches--lots and lots of inches--shorter than me.  I'm use to stooping over to lessen the effect I call the "Amazon Woman Effect".  I never get to stand on my tiptoes and show off my amazing calf muscles.

The biggest thing, though, about this picture is our faces.  We look like we just had the time of our lives.  Let me set up the actual picture for you:

N: Let's go get our picture taken.
Me: No.
N: Come on.  We have to get our picture taken.
Me: I don't want to have any reminder of this race.
20 minutes later
Me (Morose, defeated voice): Fine.  Let's go get our picture taken.
Camera Lady: Look over here.
Reminder, it's dark and I can't see the camera lady.
Me: Where the hell am I suppose to look?
Camera Lady: 1...2...
Me (yelling): Where am I looking???
Camera Lady: 3
Snap

I guess all things considered, this is a pretty good picture.