Tiny Frames and Misperceptions

The other day I went out looking for a nice Easter skirt to wear.  Much of my Sunday clothes are rather dark and dreary and I was eager to have something light and frilly to wear for spring.

I stopped in at Kohl's and started meandering around the store.  I was with my mom, who is not known for (a) her love for shopping and (b) her patience so she stopped a salesperson and asked her where we could find a nice skirt for me.  To which the saleslady responded, while looking me over, "you have a tiny frame.  I would suggest the Juniors Department."

I was shocked.  I have never been told I have a tiny frame and I wanted to stand there and let the saleslady bestow other wonderful things upon me.  But it did get me to thinking:

When I look in the mirror, I see an athlete.  Sometimes, I look more athletic than other times, but for the most part, I see an athlete.  I see a muscular build that for a long time in Jr. High and High School I shied away from.

(I want to make it clear that I don't look in the mirror and find myself to be fat.  Nor do I look in the mirror and pinch parts of myself and wish them away.  I'm not that kind of gal.)

When I got to be in my mid-20's, I realized that I wasn't ever going to fit in a size 4 pair of jeans.  Ever.  And I didn't want to.  But, more importantly, I accepted this part of me and moved past this "ideal".  Since then, I've worked hard at just being in shape.  In shape for me may be different than in shape for other people, but it involves all the same kinds of things: exercise and healthy foods.  I think we all struggle with one or both of these to some degree and it would serve us all well to remember that little point: we all struggle.

I've been accused at times of using endurance sports as a way to stay skinny.  I don't use endurance sports to do that.  I do endurance sports because I enjoy the challenge.  I enjoy working towards a goal and beating it. I like the number crunching of pacing and setting time goals.  I really like training and trying new things.  Sometimes, I'll research certain things--thoughts and attitudes about weight and their effect on your racing--and I'll incorporate it into my training for a time being to see if really does matter.  But I'm smart about it.  I'm not eating a 500 calorie diet and trying to run 20 miles on it.  I do try to maintain a healthy diet about 80% of the time.  Some weeks are better than other weeks.  I try not to beat myself up about it.  Healthy isn't a number on a scale.

Sometimes, I think, it seems like we get so use to what we see in the mirror that we are sidelined by a comment from a stranger.  In my case, it was a positive one.  But I know a lot of the times, that's not the case.  And I have been on the wrong side of well-meaning comments.

Take the comment at lunch the very same day as my Kohl's experience.  I had ordered a meal off of the "healthy" menu not because I wanted to count my calories but because I didn't want to eat so much that I felt sick afterwards.  It was the same meal as the regular menu, but smaller.  I appreciate restaurants who give people an option because one of my "things" is that I will continue to eat well after I feel full.  Just because it's there.  And then a great lunch  morphs into a bad lunch because I'm sick for the rest of the day.

So I order this sandwich and it came with a salad.  When I got the salad, it looked like it was a dry salad with no dressing.  So I asked the waitress if there was dressing on it.  She replied there was just a tad bit so that it would stay within the calorie allotments for the meal and then she leaned in and said "I can bring out more.  It won't kill you to have extra."

I almost gasped out loud.  How incredibly rude!  It just goes to prove that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

I know that I don't have anything close to a "weight problem" and some people feel like you can't talk about these things if you haven't been there.  But, the pendulum swings both ways.  I have had my share of rude comments too.  I just think the world would be a much better place if we could accept everyone for who they are, regardless of their size, and just try to live healthier lives.

Amen.