Farewell My Fair Weather Friends

Tomorrow we embark on a 7 day, 7 night cruise to the Mexican Riveria. The current temperature in Puerto Vallarta, our first stop is 73 degrees. Current temperature here is 38 degrees. It may be dang near heaven when we get there. We might not come home until July, when our insides are simmering in their own juices.

What's our biggest task? Trying to pack clothes meant for fair weather while also be conscious of the fact that fair weather doesn't exist in Utah in January. We can't very well ride to the airport at 6 am wearing linen pants and short sleeves. We have to wear something a little bit heavier. And who knows what California is going to be like. And coming home presents it's own problems.

Also, we were unaware how "old" cruises are. We can't wear jeans to the dining room. We have to bring nice clothes just to eat dinner. It's a small price to pay, but good thing we looked it up. We would've been really embarrassed to be the only people in the dining room wearing jeans or *gasp* be denied entry.

In any case, I'll be gone all next week, so no witticisms from here, but I'll be sure to update you all when I return.

Until then, enjoy the cold and snow.

Book Review Friday 1/04/08

Book: A Girl, In Parts
Author: Jasmine Paul
Pages: 240

Um...what to say about a book where you can't relate with the character much because her experience of growing up a girl was a lot different then your experience. This is a coming of age story written in hard to follow vignettes--little snipets, much like diary entries. I'm sure we all felt the awkwardness of adolescence, some more than others. However, I would venture that most of us didn't have the associated gender-identity issues that Dottie, the main character had. In the middle of the book, Dottie actually starts refering to herself as a boy. Somewhere in the second half of the story she reverts back to being a girl, but there didn't seem to be much of a turning point as to why she did that. She still has a crush on her best friend (a girl) but she also has the hots for her Chemistry teacher. It's sort of a strange tale. There was some swearing, but a lot of drinking. Lots. I was surprised. The most disconcerting part I found was the introduction of two Mormon characters. Rarely do I read a mainstream book where there is a Mormon at all, let alone two. It tells me that the author has a score to settle with Mormonism. These two characters embodied the stereotypes that LDS people have been trying to disown for years. In a heated argument between Dottie and Beth, a Mormon classmate, Dottie yells that Beth is a overzealous member of a religion founded by a racist, horny teenager. Beth even gives a speech on a "dead mormon guy who had, like, a hundred wives." Later on, Dottie's best friend Dawn meets a high school guy at the carnival. She invites him over for a bbq and Dawn's mom offers him a beer from the cooler. He says it's against his religion to drink and they talk a little about his religion. The next night, Dottie follows him and Dawn to the movies. She's upset because she sees them kiss. Later on that night, Dawn sneaks into Dottie's bedroom and says it's over between the Mormon guy and her. "He says that women should just stay home and have babies. That they can't race BMX bikes." Nice.

I probably wouldn't recommend this book to even the most avid reader, but I didn't totally hate it either.

How Come They Never Tell You About THIS

My perfect baby boy; the envy of the other new mom's in the neighborhood who layed awake with screaming newborns. He slept through the night at 6 weeks. Has never had an entire night where I've paced the floor with him, praying he would just sleep for a few hours so I could too. When he's sick, he sleeps. As he got older, he would play in his crib and then sleep. Every night I would boast to my husband how lucky we were that we could put him in his crib at 8:30 and he would happily play until he got tired and fell asleep. When we removed the crib and put up the racecar bed, we had a rough few nights. He didn't want to sleep in his bed. We finally caved, and he sleeps on the floor. But he would stay in his room, at the threshold of his door, and joyfully await slumber.

Do you hear that sound? That's the sound of reality slamming into our sleeping skulls at midnight. The kid will not go to sleep. Doesn't like the dark, so mommy and daddy don't go to sleep either. Scared of monsters. Scared of bunnies. Scared of his own freakin' shadow. In and out all night. I need this. I need that. Potty. Water. Cheetoes. We pray he falls asleep in front of the television so we can carry him to his room. Rarely happens. On the off chance he does stay in his room, we can't watch tv in the tv room because he insists on eating our snacks. He whines over the sound of the movie. He stands at his doorway and looks pleadingly into our eyes. He even says "please." How can you refuse a 2 1/2 year old "please"?

We capitalize on his fear of darkness--exploiting him to get our sleep. If he comes out, we close the door. There's a child-proof doorknob on his side of the door. Two days ago, he figured it out. Now it doesn't work. We've removed the lightbulbs so he can't turn on the light. But it's such a pain, and makes it difficult to find anything in there after 5:00 pm. We talk to him. We don't talk to him. We pick him up and heave (ever so gently) him into his room. We read stories and play games. Nothing works!

We're tired. We're cranky. But, our mom's will be taking Josh next week during our cruise, so they'll have to deal with it. We thought it best not to inform them of his erratic sleep patterns. Maybe they have some better ideas.

Don't Cry For Me Argentina

Today is Thursday. Bowling. I've been looking forward to bowling for 2 weeks because it was cancelled last week for the holidays. Sadie got us matching bowling shirts and we were the envy of the league. That envy soon turned to pity when we started to bowl. We couldn't buy a strike to save our lives. We did horrible. We were able to take the first game, but blew the final two games. It's hard when you have to bowl sooooo well to even compete. It's hardly fair.

I think my caloric consumption has drastically decreased since the official ending of the holidays. I probably went from 4500 calories to 2500 calories a day and that was probably why I bowled so bad. Not enough energy. We had to go to lunch at Pizza Hut to console ourselves after our horrible bowling.

We'll be back next week with a score to settle. Well, Kandiss and Sadie will be back next week to settle scores. I'll be lounging on a beach somewhere in Mexico. I need to find a substitute that will pull us out of our rut.

The List Revamped

I was looking over "the list" and realized that I only had 75 entries. Then I got to thinking. I made this list right after I ran my marathon in October, and so it really should be things I have yet to accommplish. So, I added entries and took away some. I guess it's not far to put #39, get married, because I did that some time ago. And things like "do this 2 times a year" or "do this once a week" are more for the resolution list. So those got omitted. My new, improved list are the things I would like to accomplish--or have accomplished--since October 2007:

1. Run a marathon--Done 10/6/07
2. Get a bachelor's degree--Done 12/19/08
3. Get a master's degree
4. Read 1000 books
5. Write a novel Done 11/30/10
6. Go on a cruise--Done 01/06/08
7. Go to Hawaii
8. Go to a sport's championship game
9. Qualify for Boston
10. Win a 5k
11. Win a triathlon
12. Join Toastmasters--Done 03/04/09
13. Work in a bookstore
14. Pull an all nighter  Done 11/25/10
15. Make a spectacular scrapbook
16. Make an entire Christmas of homemade gifts
17. Sponsor a missionary from the ward
18. Join a recreation team--Done May 2008
19. Hit my target weight (and stay there)
20. Do an entire crossword puzzle book without cheating
21. Enter a writing contest--Done 01/20/09
22. Learn the guitar
23. Get out of debt
24. Buy a new car with cash
25. Custom design a home
26. Own a season ski pass
27. Own a pair of designer jeans
28. Visit every state in the union
29. Take a rubbing of monument in D.C. for Grandpa
30. Participate in (and finish) NaNoMo Done 11/30/10
31. Run the Utah Grand Slam
32. Get my name in the newspaper (not in the obits or the crime page) Done Summer 2010
33. Shop once with abandonment
34. Volunteer for a good cause
35. Go sea kayaking--Done 1/11/08
36. Go skydiving
37. Go scuba diving
38. Learn to ballroom dance
39. Obtain a patent
40. Make a family cookbook--done 12/25/07
41. Write my own obituary
42. Plan my own funeral
43. Go to a crossword convention
44. Win a speech contest 3/10/11
45. Decorate the house
46. Run a sub-4 hour marathon
47. Participate in a talent show Done 9/18/10
48. Make a wedding cake
49. Sell something on ebay
50. Go spelunking
51. Be part of a bowling league--Done 9/6/2007 (not technically October, but ongoing so I'm letting it go)
52. Sew an outfit
53. Make a quilt
54. Do the "Young Love" cross stitches
55. Read the classics
56. Be president of an organization
57. Backpack the Western Trail
58. Hike King's Peak--Done 7/30/10
59. Meet a celebrity
60. Memorize the Gettysburg Address
61. Go super short with hair--Done 12/28/07
62. Go super long with hair
63. Go funky with hair
64. Own an evening gown--Done 11/23/07
65. Own a home with a swimming pool
66. Become Java certified
67. Start a business
68. Take the Actuarial Exam
69. Return to the workforce
70. Own a pair of designer shoes
71. Teach school
72. Own a dog
73. Spend the day at the spa
74. Go on a retreat
75. Eat at a five star restaurant
76. Do an Ironman (or half Ironman) Done 8/25/12 (half)
77. Read the Book of Mormon
78. Read the Bible
79. Do karaoke
80. Go snorkeling--Done 1/11/08
81. Hike Mount Timpanogas
82. Get published
83. Take a cake decorating class
84. Take a road trip with just girls
85. Keep a running log for a whole year--Done 8/28/2010
86. Surprise Wade with a trip
87. Take a self defense class
88. Take a spinning class--Done February 2009
89. Learn the flip turn for swimming
90. See the Great Wall of China
91. Do a Century Ride--Done 6/04/2011
92. Do Lotoja
93. Take a yoga class
94. Take a photography class
95. Be a "blog of note"
96. Participate on The Moth
97. Buy dinner for a stranger at a restaurant
98. Do the Wasatch Back Relay with just girls
99. Run Boston
100. Run a sub-2 hour half marathon Done 6/23/2012

Confessions of the Soul

It's nearing the end of the year so here are some *little* confessions:

• I really enjoy reading complete strangers blogs. It's like looking at somebody's diary but having the advantage of never having to look at them in the face afterwards. Google posts their blog pick of the day and depending on how they make me laugh, I add them to my subscription list. Currently, I religiously read the blog of some middle 30's guy in New York that might be one of the funniest things I've ever read. His 39 steps to buying the perfect mattress had me in hysterics. There's also the blog of a cartoonist in London that draws little pictures to go along with each entry. These aren't blogs full of information or answers. Just what they are doing with their lives. It's all very Seinfeldish. Another blog I follow is the Blog of Unnecessary Quotation Marks. People send in photo's of legit signs, postings, ads, etc. that have unnecessary quotation marks. For example, denim "jeans" were on sale the other day. Just today, I added Tacky Christmas Yards to the list. I'm really anxious for the posts after the new year that address the hate mail.
• I still haven't technically graduated. I received my latest test scores and I actually got dumber. I missed the cut off by 2 questions this time instead of the measely one question last time. I'm making another appointment with the academic counselor when the new semester starts to see what my options are. At $130 a pop, these tests are getting mighty expensive. I think they should just let me graduate on the basis of my great personality and good looks...but most likely, I'll be headed back to rerereretake the test. How embarassing.
• I hate almost every haircut I get. In March I loped off a lot of hair and since then haven't really found anything I've liked. I keep going shorter, but have snippers remorse almost immediately. A few weeks ago, I went into Walmart, and the lady (who, incidently, didn't speak English all that well) misunderstood my instructions and now I have a very blunt, not so pretty bob. There's very little I can do with it and I'm trying to reassess my options. We leave for a cruise in a week and all those pictures we'll be showing people will be highlighting my Atilla the Hun do. UPDATE: Friday, I went in a chopped it all off. I am sporting a new, short do (number 61 on the list). I plan on seeing how long it will grow in 2008. Wade was less than thrilled with the new look. I did get lots of compliments on it at church, though.
• I'm running a half marathon in 3ish weeks and I'm not at all prepared. This one is going to hurt. I'm hoping to at least not come in that far behind the neighbor. She's been training her little heart out. I haven't run in 3 weeks. And I don't even have the excuse of not having a working treadmill since Wade fixed it last week. It's just my lazy, chocolate and sugar incased, swelling backside that's keeping me from doing any type of exercise whatsoever. In fact, Wade got me a waterproof housing for my ipod to take to the pool for my laps. Obviously, I can't try it out unless I'm in the pool, swimming laps. But that requires me to get up at 5:00 and get to the pool by 5:15. This hasn't happened yet. I'm recommitting myself to my insane working out schedule on Tuesday. Well, maybe Wednesday.
• I wish I were 10 pounds lighter for our cruise next week. Not because I think I should lose 10 pounds, but mostly because that's what everyone says before they leave on a cruise. "Oh, I wish I would've lost that last 10 pounds."
• I am fascinated with the many different shapes of butts there are out there. I rarely notice how "endowed" women are, but I do stare at butts, female and male alike. It's hard to explain how I classify them. It's not a "this looks good", "this looks bad" tally, but more of a "well, that's strange looking" or "where is it?" or "holy moly" summation.
• I hate the cold. Hate it! Hate it! Hate it! I don't like the snow either. I only like it to ski, so it's only useful for about 3 days a year. And I don't particularly enjoy skiing in the cold. The best time I had was last year when I went up during a bad inversion in the valley and it was 15 degrees warmer on the hill then at home. I skied in a long sleeve shirt and down vest. Perfect. Back in the day, my dreams were to finish at the two year college I was at, work a semester, and move to Hawaii to finish school. Those plans were thwarted when I met Wade, but every January, I think to myself "what if I wouldn't have gone upstairs at the dorms looking for Wade that fateful Sunday. Would I have spent the next 10 years living on the beach?" It's wistful thinking at best. I probably wouldn't taken a semester off and then never have the guts--or the money--to leave to go to Hawaii, but I still think about it.
• I have roughly the same resolutions on my list every year. Every year, I do good the first week, but then taper off and by November, December, when I think about them again, I tell myself I'll just put it on the list for next year. No use starting back up. The new year is here again. I guess the first resolution I should put up is Achieve Success With All Resolutions. Maybe a prize if I finish.

I feel much better after having confessed. Tomorrow, I'll post my resolutions for the year. Maybe if all of Wide World Web knows my resolutions I'll be more resolute in keeping them. Happy New Year!

Tales From the Potty Number 2

Last week, I was sitting in the bedroom working on our Christmas present for my brother and Wade was in the TV room working on our Christmas present for his mom. I heard Josh wander into the bathroom but didn't think much of it. Next thing I know, he's babbling about going poopie in the potty. I get up and meander into the bathroom to check out genius kid's contribution, and there it is. He's not lying. I'm skeptical he'll be able to repeat this because I don't want my hopes to be dashed again (see Tales From the Potty Part 1). However, I give him the right dosage of accolades and we make the requisite calls to grandmas, aunts, uncles, MENSA board, etc.

The next time he has to go we are at a friend's house and he's in the bathtub (long story involving two toddlers and a plate of purple paint). I get him out and hold him on the potty because his little bum is so small, if he sits down on it, he'll fold in half and fall in. He goes again. We do a congo line into the kitchen to celebrate two times in a row.

While he seems to have this area down pact, it's going pee in the potty we seem to be having problems with. But, for the time being, I'm glad that he's got Number 2 down and I'm not as worried about Number 1.

Fast forward to today. He's only had one accident in the last 10 days and I think he gambled and lost, so I don't really count it as an accident. In any case, he was very remorseful about it, so he knows where he's suppose to go potty. This morning, I wake up and jump in the shower while he's still asleep in the hall. I can hear him get up. I come out and there's my stark naked boy running around. Not my boy in a diaper, but my boy stark naked. And then he gets up on the potty and pees. Actually pees in the potty. YAY!!! YAY!!! There is light at the end of the tunnel. However, I learned from last time's experience. I'm not throwing the pull ups out just yet.