Sunday Thoughts

I had this whole other post planned, but I decided to go this route:

Today, at church, we were reminded how to speak and act appropriately.  And while I get it--I get why we do things like this--I left with the feeling that maybe people would be more...

I don't know...

excited to come to church if it didn't seem like someone was always telling you what you should or shouldn't say or how many people you should or shouldn't have at your special religious events. Maybe it would be easier to come if you didn't feel like everyone was judging you.  But most importantly, maybe you'd feel a little more excited about coming if it didn't just seem like such an eternal trudge to the next life.

Like I said, I get it.  This isn't a complaint against the powers that be that decide these kinds of things. It's just  a thought. My  thoughts being that heaven forbid if I stand up and tell you all how I feel about Christ lest I say something that doesn't follow the "guidelines".

Sometimes, I wonder if in our quest to make tangible guidelines that pinpoint exactly what should or shouldn't happen, we forget the important parts.  Like, how church is suppose to lead us closer to the Savior and how we should want to come and not leave feeling like we're less worthy than anyone else.  We should be excited about each other and our accomplishments.  We should celebrate big milestones and events.   We should feel comfortable expressing thoughts close to our hearts without feeling like we are breaking rules.

I get it.  I get why there are even guidelines.  People like to toe the line.  Some people don't understand that you can't have 50 people blessing a baby.  But, those guidelines that are handed down are relatively broad.  And some people are okay with broad.  But, some people have to quantify everything.  They have to make it fit into a little box and in the process, they forget that not everything has to--or should, even--fit into that little box.  Maybe they are general for a reason.

I know.  It's me.  It's my attitude.  It's because I  feel like I'm trudging through life spiritually, always afraid that when I die, God is going to be like "you stood up and said this at church and I clearly told you that you had to have one of these five things in there, and you didn't really have any of that, so there's no room for you here."

Except for I KNOW that won't be the case.  I know that when I die, I'll realize that so much focus was put on the details and not enough focus was put on the big picture.  I would do better to remember that when I'm sitting in church and getting lectured on these things that matter to everyone else.

But I didn't really have any plans on standing up and saying anything ever again after today's lecture.  I mean, I don't want to be the person that everyone blames when we have a revisit of this topic. I'm pretty sure my reluctance to share my feelings isn't part of the big picture God had planned either.

Sometimes, I look at other people in other faiths and think "they look like they get it."  Maybe their beliefs aren't necessarily what I believe, but it seems that they seem to be saying "This is who I am. I might not be perfect, but I'm doing my best.  And in the end, God will understand and He'll welcome me with open arms because I welcomed Him with open arms." And everyone else around will nod their heads and say "me too." instead of "you need to be better.  You need to do this and this and this and this to prove that you're doing your best.  And guess what, we keep telling you that your best is good enough, but then we keep telling you that you're not doing your best."

And so it's going to be my philosophy from now on to say "Hey, listen.  I'm doing my best here.  I'm giving it my all.  And in the end, will it really matter if my kid stood up and repeated the same words we've heard from every other kid for eons of time, because we all have to start somewhere, right?"

I know, to some, this will seem like a complaint of the church I've chosen to belong to.  And it's not.  Not at least to the fundamental teachings that make it the church I've chosen.  I realize that things are open to interpretation, and part of being faithful is believing that the interpretations you've been given are the best ones to follow.  Nowhere does it say that I have to blindly follow without any questioning.  I firmly believe I can still be faithful in following and still have my reservations.

So there.  There's my Sunday Thoughts.  Pretty deep for having taken the last two weeks off, right?  I'm back on track this week.  New recipe and everything.  Maybe even a few laughs.  It's been so...tense...around here.