House Rules

I play pretty well with other people.  But, I've had to set up a few house rules so that everything goes smoothly:

1.  All visitors must be wearing pants when they arrive
This rule may seem pointless.  Really, are there people out there going door to door with no pants on?

Yes.  Yes there are.

But, by  people I mean "little" kids, not my friends or anything.

Because my friends all show up fully clothed.  Usually.

I made this rule for three main reasons:
(a) If you are old enough to come to my house to play--which is quite different from running away from your house and even more different then "playdates" which is just babysitting--then you're old enough to wear your pants to my house. Now, I'm sympathetic to a child running away and ending up at my house--once or twice.  But daily suggests that pants are optional at your house and maybe you need to have a little sit down to discuss proper visiting attire.



(b) I understand there are "accidents" when no one has taught you proper bathroom habits.  Pants allow for an extra layer of coverage protecting my stuff from your bodily fluids.  And since you're "playing" not being "babysat" it does not fall under the realm of my jurisdiction should you choose to bypass my bathroom and use your pants instead and so, I just send you home.  It's much easier to walk home if everything is contained in your pants and not spilling out of your underwear.
(c) In most situations, a child standing on my doorstep in just his underwear is a sign that he has snuck out of his house unaware.  Shortly, a red-faced, apologetic mother will arrive to collect her wayward son.  However, this is hardly not always the case.  Thus, if I send you home to get pants, you must find your mom to get you your pants and then she will (in theory) ask where you're headed.  You will tell her to your friend's and then she knows.  See how swift that is?

2.  Please do not rifle through my pantry looking for food.

It's a pet peeve.  I don't want other people looking for food in my house.  If you're that hungry, go home and eat.

3.  When I say "no food in the living room" I mean to say "no food in the living room".  That includes any food that you may have pilfered from your own home to bring to my home because of rule #2.

This stems from that nasty incident involving ground up graham crackers in the carpet while you were watching tv.

4.  DO NOT go into my room.  EVER.  It's my room.  I don't come to your house and go pilfering through your stuff looking for money.

5.  Any money found on my property is my money.

6.  Knock once and then wait.  Do not continue knocking until I open the door.  Because here's a little secret:  When you knock like that, I know it's you.  And thus, if by some small miracle, Josh has not heard it, I will ignore you until you grow tired of knocking and leave.

7.  If you are using my bathroom, please close the door.

8.  If you need to use my bathroom more than 3 times in a 30 minute time period,  you have a problem and need to go home.

9.  No, my son cannot accompany you to "Bubblegum Man's" house.  I don't care that your mom lets you go.  Clearly, we've established that your mom and I operate under different sets of rules.

10.  Do not argue with me.  You are six.  It's my house, and therefore my rules.

See, just a few rules.  Shouldn't be too hard. I think, when I was a little kid, this stuff was pretty much common sense.