Life Happens

Saturday, it snowed.

Which is good for the whole water sense, but not for my Saturday morning run.  Which turned into a leisurely walk. 

Then, later on during the morning, I noticed that it was really cold inside the house.  Turns out the furnace wasn't working.

I spent the early afternoon cleaning out the deep freezer that had so much ice it needed to be defrosted because apparently, it was staying open all the time.  This project then turned into cleaning out the whole storage room,  but now we can actually get to the stuff  we need to.

When I went upstairs, I happened to glance inside the kids' bathroom and noticed that the floor was wet.  Turns out the toilet was leaking.

Luckily, Wade was able to fix the furnace and the toilet stopped leaking, so that was nice.  The freezer got defrosted, cleaned and the food all put back in before it melted--thanks to the snow that was insulating the coolers used to house said food outside in the backyard.

We decided to reward ourselves by getting a babysitter and cashing in a gift certificate to Iceberg for some shakes and fries.  But first we had to stop by Cabela's and buy winter boots for Wade using a gift card he had gotten from work.

In the end, we didn't have enough time to stay at Iceberg, and ended up getting our shakes and fries to go.  They weren't nearly as tasty as I thought they wouldd have been.

I still had to go grocery shopping and make two posters for church the next morning, and so after dropping the babysitter I did just that.

I crawled into bed at about 11:30 and the power went out.  I was cold to begin with, and I started getting colder, but eventually I fell asleep until about 3:30.

So I ask you, what are the chances that something would happen to the freezer, the furnace, the toilet, the power would go out AND I would end up with a stomach bug all on the same day?!?

The Beginning of the End

Right, right, right.  It's the new year.  Yay.  So let's just forget that last year I only wrote 96 blog posts (and some of those were picture posts, so had no writing whatsoever) and concentrate on my goal of 3 posts a week = 156.

Or you know, 2 1/2 posts a week.

Whatever.

But, I do want to resurrect my What's For Dinner Wednesday posts.  So that will definitely be here.  Other than that one weekly thing, I have nothing else.  Just more of the same, I guess.

Speaking of more of the same, I unearthed my resolution list from last year sometime last week and sadly realized that I only completed one thing from it.  And not because it was on the list either.  Just because I was in the right place at the right time.  Looking over it, I see how ambitious I was at the beginning of 2011.  I'm not feeling that same ambition at the beginning of 2012, so let's just see if we can work on one or two of those original 11.

We'll say 2 for 2012.  And I'm not even going to pick which ones either.  Just look again in December 2012, and hopefully I will have gained some momentum in 2 of those areas.  That should suffice, right?

Ah...I'm beginning to feel a little more like myself already.

 Sit back.  Relax.  And hopefully you'll leave with a smile, 2-3 times a week. :)

Happy New Year!

Ordeal Declared Over

I've been having some lingering pains from my recent ordeal.  I called the doctor's office and they were concerned enough to give me ANOTHER round of medicine over the weekend. After a hellish weekend, I called again to report that not much had changed and they were concerned enough to do another ultrasound.

$$$

But, I've heard horror stories of emergency hysterectomies and deaths and I didn't want either of these fates so I complied.

Cue same ultrasound room and same ultrasound tech, but luckily the news was somewhat better this time.  Everything looked normal.

YAY!  No surgery three days before Christmas.

When I talked to the nurse I said this:

"Okay, I'm officially declaring this ordeal over.  I'm done with it and I'm moving on with my life.  Tomorrow, I resume my running routine."

To which she laughed and said "sounds good."

Then I wished her a Happy Holidays and signed off by saying "I hope I don't talk to you for a very long time."

I mean, she was nice and everything but these weren't social calls I was making.

Argh.  It's December 20th and this all started on December 1st.  I'm happy it's OVER.  The lingering pain I can deal with.  I was just concerned that it would lead to an infection or something.  But now I'm not.

Hello, beautiful New Year.

A Not So Funny, But Very Long, Story

I had been sitting on this news since the end of October.  I have a hard time sitting on news, especially exciting news, because I want to tell everyone!

But I was really good.  I only told a few people I knew wouldn't tell everyone.  Then on Thanksgiving we told our families. 

My family was somewhat shocked.  Wade's family was not as shocked.  But everyone was excited. 

I told the people I wanted to know personally and not from a post on FB or in here. Yet I still waited to make it official. I don't know why.  Maybe I knew that something was wrong in that way you know something is wrong deep down inside and until it all goes wrong you don't realize you were even thinking something might be wrong.

I was really excited.  I wanted to shout it from the rooftops.

Or, you know, something more my style.  Like tell it here.

But I was patient.

And then...

Something went wrong.

Horribly, terribly wrong.

And instead of telling you all that we were having our third baby, I'm telling you all that we lost the baby.

I guess I could've kept that a secret like I kept the pregnancy a secret, but I don't want to.  Not anymore, anyways.  And I can't seem to conjure up any good stories because I'm so focused on this one story.  So here it is.

Well, not all of it because there are really a lot of details you don't want to know.  Nor details I want to share.

But, the gist of the story went something like this: we (read: I) decided it was time for baby #3--quite possibly the last baby for our family.  We got pregnant quickly and it was going amazingly well.

In fact, so well, that a few times I thought maybe something was wrong.  But I didn't dwell on that.  My stomach was popping out.  I was tired all the time.  I was moody beyond belief.  The only thing I was missing was the copious amounts of throwing up that had accompanied the other two pregnancies, and I can't say that I was missing it at all.

I really thought that (a) God was blessing me for having the faith to have a third kid, even knowing how sick I get and how stressed out I get and how worried I was that the other two would try to eat it when I was in the shower (b) I was in such amazing shape that maybe I had beaten morning sickness with mind and body control.

More so (a) than (b).  But I was grasping for some reason other than something was wrong.

I toyed around with the idea of waiting until after our first doctor appointment to make the annoucement, but I wasn't scheduled to go in until almost 13 weeks and it was wearing on me trying to keep it a secret from everyone and wearing shapeless clothes to hide it.  So, when everyone around the Thanksgiving table stood up to tell what they were thankful for, I sorta just threw Baby #3 in the mix. Then, after dinner, we drove to Wade's parents house and told them.  Then Wade texted his siblings.  It's not nearly as exciting to announce #3 as it was #1, but everyone called and congratulated us. 

And through it all I felt really  good.  I was 11 weeks afterall. There was no inkling of anything being wrong. I was almost out of the first trimester.  We had started thinking about names.  Everything was going swimmingly well.

Until the next week.

I started experiencing signs of an impending miscarriage.  But the internet reassured me that things were probably fine.  I mean, I was 12 weeks.  I was so close to being out of the first trimester. Out of the danger zone.

I wasn't even going to call the doctor's office, that's how unconcerned I was.  They had happened to call me to remind me of my doctor appointment (that was for nearly a week later, weird?) and I happened to mention what was going on and before I knew it I was headed in to get some blood work done.  I even tried to talk the nurse out of it all--we have a huge deductible and it was December and we have only used about $700 of it for the year.  I didn't want to rack up more money if we were just going to turn around and reach our deductible again the next year when we gave birth.

But eventually, I complied.  She called the next morning and told me that my HCG (pregnancy hormone) levels were normal for a 12 week pregnancy but that she was concerned enough to set up an ultrasound.

And honestly, all I saw was this: $$$.  But, I shoved it aside and went in anyways.

I can't say that I was all that shocked that they found a fetus that hadn't developed past six weeks.  There was no heartbeat.  There was definitely no live baby that was 12 weeks along.  I was more shocked that I had been carrying around an undeveloping fetus for six weeks.  I got the bad news over the phone in the ultrasound area of the hospital from the nurse.  She was really compassionate.  There are no complaints there.  I was a total wreck though and I felt bad for the poor ultrasound tech who had to walk me to the exit.  Luckily, Wade was there with me. 

The rest of the evening is kind of a blur.  I had to make a lot of phone calls unannouncing our pregnancy and then it was a matter of waiting and seeing what would happen over the weekend. 

By Monday, I thought the worst of it was behind me.  I was feeling really good and I had called the on-call doctor only once the entire weekend.  I was quite proud of myself.  As it turns out, as much information as there is out there on the internet, there isn't everything and apparently, no one really wants to talk about miscarriages.  Besides that, I was the only one I knew who was trying to "go natural" this late in a pregnancy.  Everyone else I know who has miscarriaged has done it early (either 5 or 6 weeks) or had a procedure done.  I wasn't keen on having the procedure done if not absolutely necessary and so I felt, basically, alone.  But the on-call doc reassured me that everything was "normal" and I believed her.

But, like I said, I was feeling really good.  However, that all changed on Tuesday.  I called the doctor's office.  Even the doctor herself called me back.  She said everything was normal.  By Wednesday, I was doing even worse.  They called in some medication that was suppose to help with everything.  I kept thinking "how come no one ever talks about THIS part?"

By Thursday, I was sure something was wrong.  Of course, it's really hard to convey that over the telephone without sounding like some crazy lunatic and I kept being told that everything was normal.  I couldn't find this definition of normal anywhere and finally Thursday evening, I made the decision to go in to the ER. 

There will be people that will tell you that if I would have waited longer, everything would have been okay.  And there are people that will tell you that if I hadn't gone in when I did, we'd all be singing a different tune right now.  I don't know who to believe, really.  I'm the only one who knew really what was happening.  I was trying to shield Wade and the kids from the horror of it all and so in the end, I went with my gut feeling.  I don't regret it even if the whole time all I could see was this: $$$

To make a very gory and traumatic story short, the ER docs did everything short of surgery and after six hours even suggested surgery anyways.  I opted to go home instead and hope that they were able to get everything fixed.  It was the most horrific, terrifying, and humiliating experience of my life.  In all my reading of miscarriage stories and the tales I've heard from friends, no one has relayed this type of experience. 

I'm happy to report that I'm feeling a lot better now.  I lost a lot of blood and have to take iron supplements for the next month.  I tire really easily and I can't do a whole lot yet, which just serves to make me antsy and easily irritable.  We're still coming to terms with the emotional aspect of the whole ordeal.  I do know that it will take some time to heal from this, both physically and mentally. 

Wow.  That story was much longer than I thought it would be and I left half of it out.  Hopefully, my next entry will be a little more lighthearted.  But I do feel immensely better having gotten it out. 

Bear With Me

Ugh.  Bear with  me.  I am putting together some cool things for 2012.  And there have been some developments and disappointments over here that I haven't been up to talking about quite yet.  And I am currently engrossed in a therapeutic session with Oprah and her 6 dvd set of the first 20 years of her show.  I need to finish that.

And then maybe I'll be back.

But, don't give up on me.  Hopefully I can make my way to the pictures I have uncovered spanning the last six months of the year.

Sigh.

Okay.  I'll return.  I'll be better.  And funnier.  And more consistent.  Bear with me.

Catch Up

I seem  to do a lot of catching up on this blog.  It's not really my intention.  I really do have some good stories, but it seems like the days go by so fast and before long I have a bazillion of them all stored up.  So, prepare yourself for another one of those kind of entries.

* We went camping in October down to Goblin Valley with all of Wade's family.  I'll admit, I was a little nervous about this because we have NEVER done anything of this magnitude in the 11 years I've been in the family, but it turned out to be a lot of fun.  I was even able to get out one morning before everyone was awake and run a good five miles.  The weather was perfect and we really couldn't have asked for a better time.

* I mentioned a few posts ago about all the projects I was working on.  I finally got a big project done--A.'s bed.  I wanted it done in time for her 3rd birthday, she still sleeping in her crib and all.  It's adorable and I'm happy with it.  I'll have to post a picture of it when I do a photo drop from my phone.  She looks so little in the bed, whereas in the crib she looked like monster child.  The rest of the furniture will have to wait until the spring.

*I also finished the flower bed wall I had been building since September.  That deserves it's own post, complete with pictures.  I was freaking out about it, because I also needed to plant bulbs (SO many bulbs) and I was afraid I was going to run out of time, but Thursday, I finished planting the bulbs and I hope everything takes for Spring.  It should look amazing out there.

* We've been starting some updating inside the house.  It's hard to believe we've been here for nine years, but it's starting to show.  I can't let anything out of the bag just yet, but it's going to look completely different in about a year.  I'm just happy that Wade's starting to see my "vision".

* I have been saddled with the worst sinus infection for the last two weeks.  I even went in to the doctors and everything.  I normally try to stall visits to the doctor offices but I was so miserable, I couldn't take it another minute. Every day, A. and I would make our way downstairs and lay on the couch watching TV.  I could hardly do anything else. Last night was the first night I slept completely unmedicated and I even made it on a five mile run this morning.  It felt great to be outside for the first time in weeks for longer than 15 minutes.  I'm confident in saying that I have beaten this thing, but it didn't go down without a fight.  Sometimes it takes feeling really sick to truly appreciate when you're feeling good.

* I have really been enjoying watching my kids grow lately.  I can't believe how big they're getting.  J. is doing amazingly well at school.  He got all 4's on his first report card (4's are the equivalent of A's) and he's reading so well now.  He'll be done with the first grade reading program by Christmas and then they'll move him on to the second grade level.  He's even gotten 100% on EVERY spelling test thus far.  The teacher is impressed with him in math too.  She sent me an email the other day describing his response to a question she had asked for their "writer's workshop": "If I could be anything, I would be..." J. answered that he'd be himself and  that he would do all the same things he likes now.  He then added a little caveat--he would be nice.  The teacher wrote that she took him aside and said "J., don't you know that you're already nice?" and that he shyly nodded his head.  She went on to say how precious she thought his answer was and that he was such a good student and she was blessed to have him in her class.

I didn't have the heart to tell her that I thought he just wants to play with his Legos without anyone bugging him and that he had told us the other day that he was going to be nice when he grows up and not ground his kids from their Legos when they're bad, like we meanies did.

But, after talking with him about the answer he gave his teacher, I did come away with the impression that he likes himself and that he truly just wants to be happy with whatever it is he does when he has to start working. He isn't really worried about that part of life yet.  It kind of makes me feel like we're doing something right.  And it's a pretty deep answer for a six year old.

A. is a hoot to be around.  She has such a funny personality and does the silliest things.  Her brain isn't wired the same as J.'s and that frustrates me sometimes.  J. was so willing to entertain himself and A. isn't like that.  I just have to keep reminding myself that they're different kids and they need different things.  She's completely potty trained and hasn't had an accident in a while now.  I think this is probably my most favorite age thus far. They're a little independent and they can start talking to you, but they aren't so independent that they don't want you any more.  I can't believe A.'s going to be three soon.  Where has the time gone?

* Thursday was our annual bowl off for the Turkey Bowl we hold every year for our bowling league.  A turkey goes to the person who scores the highest overall for all three games and a turkey goes to each team member of the team that scores the highest for all three games.  I had been so sick the week before that I couldn't bowl and I wasn't really expecting much coming into the Turkey Bowl because I was still a little stuffed up.  I'm mediocre at best when it comes to bowling anyways.  But somehow, I managed to bowl a 189 the first game, a 166 the second game and a 161 the third game--it's the best I've ever done.  This won me a 15 lb turkey for being highest individual scorer.  My team--the same team I've been on for the last two years and I wouldn't change it for anything.  D. is 65 and S. is 59ish. They're a hoot and I have a blast every week--rallied together and we also took home the team turkeys as well.  So, I came home with two 15 lb turkeys.  Thanksgiving is at my family's house this year, but I'm sure I'll be cooking the turkey at some point to get some leftovers.  Then there's always Christmas or New Years.  Or even Easter.   If I hear of someone needing a turkey, I have plenty to spare too.  The opportunities are endless.  I have pictures of my awesome scores.  Those are on my phone as well so I'll post them sometime soon.

* I've been asked a few times over the last couple of months why I'm so good at everything.  The reality is that I'm not.  I just put myself out there and sometimes I'm spectacular.  Most of the time though, I'm mediocre and I'm okay with that.  These are things I enjoy doing for the sole benefit of doing them. My point is that sometimes, people are afraid of trying new things because they're afraid of what they'll look like or that they might be last.  So.  Who cares?  Someone has to be last. Put yourself out there and try new things or you'll never know.

Oh man.  So many things going on right now.  I hope it's not another two weeks before we talk again.  Seriously, stop being strangers. :)

Displaying My Awesome Talents...Again

Last year, for the ward talent show, my friend, H. and I did a synchronized biking piece.  I talked about it here.  This year we thought we'd change things up a bit and do a synchronized swimming piece a la this:



Only, you know, not as pulled together since it was sorta last minute.  And there were only two of us.  But, still, I think it turned out pretty good.

As a sidenote, I did give the camera to someone to take pictures, but the pictures didn't turn out very well.  So, you sorta had to be there to really appreciate the awesomeness that is two grown adults pretending to do a synchronized swimming routine.

Next year?  Who knows.  Maybe another synchronized routine of random things.  Perhaps if we start brainstorming about it now, we can come up with something really cool and recruit more people to our cause.

As for what's happening over here right now, let's just say that it's going to make a REALLY good story come a few weeks (hopefully) from now.

And the frustration and the remorse and the tantrum throwing has all died down a little.